South Park and Veganism

November 16, 2005

Here’s how my XTREME-ly boring day started:

Some kid I had one class with a year and a half ago comes up behind me on the stairs leading out from Bart and asks:

Some guy: “Have you heard of the hilarious cartoon South Park on Comedy Central?”
Me:”uh, yeah.”
I’m thinking: Oh.. the cartoon of South Park, I was thinking of the live-action opera called South Park that they have on PBS on the weekends. Who hasn’t heard of the show South Park? Maybe a few countries that has banned American television. But do I look like I’ve lived in a Taliban-controlled country for the last.. oh NINE YEARS? Who even says the type of show and what network the show is on anymore when asking this question? As there there is more than one type of show on a different network.. but of the exact same name. Like if there is a cartoon version of the Daily Show on TBS. “You know South Park?” would be plenty of info..

Some Guy: “It’s so funny.”
Me: “yeah.”
I’m thinking: OH SHIT! Then I better TIVO it!
Some Guy: “You know the teacher, Mr. Garrison?”
Me: “oh, yeah.”
Some Guy: (with very eager excitement) “I think he’s (begins to laugh) gay.”
I’m thinking: Good goin’ Quincy, you broke the case. I think so too. Quick, call the mayor and news agencies and spread the word: a mystery has been solved.
Me: “heh. yeah.”
Some Guy: “Guess what he dressed up as for Halloween.”
Me: “what.”
Some Guy: “Marilyn Monroe. hahahahahahahaha. I was laughing so hard. They show South Park late at night so I woke up the whole house and my Dad probably had me turn off the television.”
Me: “heh. So was it on last night?”
Some Guy: “Oh no, this was like 2 weeks ago.”
I’m thinking: This is weird and uncomfortable. A) that joke sucked. B) who remembers jokes from half-decent cartoon shows weeks ago?

He pretty much continues about how loud he laughed.


Veganism: It was the subject of the article for the English department exam. You’d think for a guy who lived the first decade of his life not eating dairy and only one food group away from veganism would know enough about the subject to write a decent essay for the department exam. Well, I don’t and I didn’t. It was harder than I thought. Either way the entire article was hilariously flawed and since it was against the rules of the exam to state my personal opinion specifically or really judge his arguments I’ll utilize this site to state them.

One of his arguments was that biotechnology (genetic engineering or “tampering” for you douchebags) has only encouraged food depletion and world hunger, basically a failed solution. Okay, whoa. First of all, biotechnology and genetic engineering has saved over a billion lives. Norman Borlaug pioneered the engineering of high-yield semi-dwarf disease-resistant grain varieties. This allowed nations like India, Pakistan, and Mexico to double or triple their wheat yields. By that I mean they could produce enough grains in order to feed livestock and non-livestock eating animals (vegetarians/vegans) and even be net exporters of grain varieties.

The other failed solution was… get this… vegetarianism. He stated that vegetarians who still ate milk products and eggs did not help the “cause” because they are still dependant on livestock, whereas vegans don’t. In a way, if everyone stopped eating meat, but were still vegetarians there would be no shift in food depletion as the animals were still being used.

Then his grand solution to this whole issue is.. make the rich vegans! HAHA! Yes, in a world where 1/6th of the world is dying from hunger on a daily basis surely converting the top .5% into vegans will completely fix this problem.. for good. The only effect turning rich people into vegans would be a little less prime rib being bought at high price restaraunts. It’s about as effective as Bush’s tax rebate program (a cool 300 bucks to about 1,000 americans) was to ‘stimulating the economy.’

The world hunger problem is NOT a problem of food depletion OR money or a running out of resources. The problem is policy. America rots about 7 tons of food every year. If we could feed those hungry nations we could, but we can’t because A) those nations are controlled by militants and dictators and B) Our administration could give a fuck less about them. When we bombed Afghanistan with food drops we gave them peanut butter. A country without water does not deserve or need, in any way, peanut butter. It’s like giving a fish a drink.


2 Responses to “South Park and Veganism”

  1. your sister said

    this has nothing to do with your entry, but i thought you would get a kick of laughter out of this:

    its cold and i just wanna watch tv all this weekend. next week i’m having thanksgiving in milwaukee with betty, mary, lizzy, at joe’s house. i hope that bachelor can cook!! tell me any conversations with adam at thanksgiving, that fella is funny wierd! luv ya like west coast pizza!

  2. paintist said

    Hehe, nice find. Kinda makes you wonder if the uptight anus-less people at The New Yorker have an S&M page (you’ll get that joke if you caught Family Guy last week). And lucky you with the coldness and snow, it’s NOVEMBER 20TH and there hasn’t been a decent enough cloud for shade in at least 20 weeks. I miss El Nino… which is spanish for.. THE Nino.

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